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Before entering matrimony, each one of us gets the opportunity of observing the marriage of our parents. At close quarters, one is able to read the pros & cons as well as see the ups & downs in a marital relationship. Thereby, this becomes a major learning experience for each of us. Theorists suggest that personality development is 30% nature and 70% nurture.This means that our genes are 30 % responsible for who we are.The rest 70% is the result of the events & circumstances that take place in our daily existence.
Consequently, the attitude we develop forms the basis of our behavior towards people & situations that arise. Our view of the outside world & expectations therefrom, are largely the result of our past experiences. The past does impact the present in terms of relationships. So, in a way our parent’s marriage does affect our marriage .
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We often hear that “ It takes two to tango.” This simply implies that a relationship is a two-way process wherein two individuals are involved. Thus, both the individuals become the cause of any problem arising in that particular relationship.
It is a well-known fact that one can’t choose one’s parents & neighbours. Therefore, we accept them as they are or we learn to adjust with them. Why can’t the same reasoning be applied in the case of a spouse? Why spend half your lifetime trying to modify the other person when we ourselves are not willing to change. The key to a perfect marriage is to accept one’s spouse as he/she is.
The need of the hour is “communication”. It is extremely important to convey our likes/dislikes, opinions, preferences,etc. to our spouse in order to build a healthy relationship.One has to be very careful whilst doing this. Communicating one’s viewpoint to one’s spouse should be handled delicately in a sensitive manner, without sounding offensive, thereby ensuring that the other person/spouse does not feel the need to defend oneself. Thus, this maintains the harmony in a relationship.
It needs to be understood that, in most cases, the behaviour of the spouse is not designed solely for the purpose of making his/her partner’s life miserable. What may seem intolerable about the other person could simply be the other person’s preferred attitude/ behaviour . Therefore, it is in one’s best interest to perfectly understand each other, negotiate and resolve the issues, if any.
None of us are super humans and hence are not “perfect” Then why harp on ‘perfect marriage’ There is nothing like a perfect marriage. One needs to work towards it to make it perfect. We, as humanbeings, are lucky to be bestowed with a brain as well as a heart. It is my belief that both should work in tandem to achieve happiness which in my humble opinion is the ultimate goal of each one of us.
In short, one should refrain from being harsh, and critical of each other. Instead, an attitude of patience and tolerance could go a long way in achieving the desired peace and harmony in any marital relationship, thereby leading one towards ultimate happiness.
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